My Third Suicide Attempt

I remember waking up to my 4 year old sister on top of me and my mom screaming because they had no idea why I wasn’t waking up. Little did they know I took 50 lorazopams a few hours before. I was in and out. I only remember slight moments.

I woke up again on our living room chair, Mom looking at my sliced up arms, crying. My older sister and her boyfriend at the time standing on the stairs trying to take in what is happening.

Everything was black again, hoping I was slipping away and would soon have my wish of being dead come true.

I woke up in the hospital, poison control was there. I was throwing up something black which I later found out was charcol and it helps reverse the affects of lorazopam.

They sent me home the same day and the next few days were a blur to me because the pills were still in affect.

When I completely came to, I was so angry and disappointed. I wanted to die and I failed at it like I have failed everything else in my life.

It is now 6 years later and I still wonder how taking 50 pills didn’t kill me or how they sent me home right away instead of putting me on suicide watch.

Till this day there are times I still think about it and wish that it would have worked, but I am also so grateful that is didn’t because I wouldn’t have the little family I have today.

I still struggle, but my Fiancé and my children help me so much.